Bullying can occur throughout our lives. While we often associate it with our childhood, adults are not immune. Everywhere we interact with others—at work, in relationships, with family—there is the opportunity for bullying to happen.
It can be challenging to admit to ourselves when we are the ones doing the bullying. None of us wants to think of ourselves as ‘bad people’ but there are many behaviours that constitute as bullying. Identifying that your actions towards others are negatively impacting them will help you find ways to change.
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Can a Bully get help?
The simple answer is Yes, the more complex answer is, only if they see what they’re doing as negative behaviour…
No matter what stage of your life you’re in, understanding why you bully and how to stop is an important part of leading a happy and fulfilled life.
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Why Do People Bully Others?
Bullying is a persistent and harmful behaviour that can occur in a variety of settings, including schools, workplaces, and online platforms. Although the exact reasons why people engage in bullying are complex and multifaceted, there are several underlying factors that contribute to this behaviour.
One of the primary reasons why people bully is a desire for power and control over others. Bullies may feel a sense of satisfaction or enjoyment from being able to intimidate or harm others, and they may view their victims as weaker or less deserving of respect. This desire for power and control may stem from personal insecurities, such as low self-esteem or a need for validation from others. By exerting their dominance over others, bullies may feel a temporary sense of superiority or control over their own lives.
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Bullying Others As A Result of Lack Of Empathy
In some cases, bullying behaviour may be a result of a lack of empathy or social skills. Individuals who struggle with empathy may have difficulty understanding the impact of their behaviour on others, while individuals who lack social skills may struggle to navigate complex social situations and may use bullying as a way of asserting their dominance. This can be particularly true for individuals who have experienced social rejection or isolation, as they may turn to bullying as a way of seeking attention or acceptance from others.
Another common reason why people bully is a desire to fit in with a particular social group. In some cases, bullies may engage in this behaviour as a way of proving themselves to others or demonstrating their loyalty to a particular group. This can be especially true in peer groups or cliques, where members may use bullying as a way of enforcing their own social hierarchy and maintaining their status within the group.
In some cases, bullying can also be a result of personal trauma or emotional distress. Individuals who have experienced abuse or neglect in their own lives may turn to bullying as a way of coping with their own trauma. Similarly, individuals who are struggling with mental health issues, such as depression or anxiety, may turn to bullying as a way of venting their own frustration or anger. Read more on how to reduce anxiety and depression.
Societal and cultural factors can also play a role in the development of bullying behaviour. For example, cultures that value aggression or dominance may normalise and even encourage bullying behaviour. In some cultures, aggressive behaviour is viewed as a way of demonstrating strength or power, and individuals who do not engage in this behaviour may be seen as weak or passive. Similarly, in cultures where violence is prevalent, individuals may learn to use aggression as a way of protecting themselves or asserting their dominance.
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A Lack Of Parental Involvement
Lack of parental involvement and supervision can also contribute to the development of bullying behaviour. Children who do not receive adequate support or attention from their parents may be more likely to engage in bullying as a way of seeking attention or expressing their frustration. Additionally, exposure to violence and aggression in the media can also increase the likelihood of engaging in bullying behaviour. Children who are exposed to violent video games, movies, or television shows may become desensitised to aggression and view it as a normal or acceptable behaviour.
It is important to note that bullying is never acceptable and can have serious and long-lasting consequences for both the victim and the perpetrator. Victims of bullying may experience a range of negative outcomes, including depression, anxiety, and social isolation. They may also experience physical harm, such as injuries from physical altercations or self-harm behaviours. For the bully, engaging in this behaviour can also have negative consequences, such as damage to their reputation, strained relationships with others, and legal or disciplinary consequences.
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What Can I Do If I’m A Bully?
Therapy can be an effective tool for addressing the underlying issues that contribute to bullying behaviour. While many people may view bullies as “bad” or “evil,” it is important to recognise that most bullies are individuals who are struggling with their own issues, whether that be a lack of empathy, social isolation, or personal trauma. With the right support and intervention, many bullies can learn to change their behaviour and develop healthier ways of interacting with others.
One type of therapy that may be particularly helpful for bullies is Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT). CBT is a type of talk therapy that focuses on helping individuals identify and change negative thought patterns and behaviours. In the case of bullying, a therapist using CBT might work with the individual to identify the underlying beliefs and attitudes that are driving their behaviour, and help them develop more positive and constructive ways of interacting with others.
Another type of therapy that may be helpful for bullies is family therapy. Family therapy can help address any underlying family dynamics that may be contributing to the child’s behaviour, and can help family members develop more positive and supportive relationships with one another. In some cases, family therapy may also involve working with the child’s school or other community organisations to develop a coordinated plan for addressing the child’s behaviour and supporting their emotional and social development.
Overall, therapy can be an important tool for helping bullies learn to change their behaviour and develop healthier ways of interacting with others. While it is important to hold bullies accountable for their actions, it is also important to recognise that they are individuals who may be struggling with their own issues, and to provide them with the support and resources they need to make positive changes in their lives.
If you would like to know more please do get in touch.
